I just pynch a tree in the face
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
