bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
i need to put some appletini on your dick
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
