I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
