I must be too annoying 4 u.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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