So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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