its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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