Welp...herpes.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
