Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I fill condoms, not promises.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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