So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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