Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
