i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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