toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
How external is "for external use only"?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
