she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
