GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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