I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
