no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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