I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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