He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
