Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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