The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
