why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Randomize
