last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
