i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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