All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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