She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
