apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We need a shit load of segways right now
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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