and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
