Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
