just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
