In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
