How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
