She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
