pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
