yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
