I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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