We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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