then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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