There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
