The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
