I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
