Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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