I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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