Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
