it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
