She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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