i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
