dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
