Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
she smelled like a LAN party
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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