Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
