so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
