Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito

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(559): View more from California

Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.

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(469): View more from Texas

I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.

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(250): View more from British Columbia

I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down

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(203): View more from Connecticut

The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.

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(906): View more from Michigan

I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.

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