It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
