dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
