Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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