I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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